Chapter 20
Chapter 20
ASTRID
“What are you afraid of?”
My breathing deepens as I brush my blouse sleeve with a finger, imagining it’s Jordan. I pull off the dress. My body faces my bed, and the humming security lights at my bedroom window are flooding in.
Loneliness and longing are weaving so tightly in my belly, and the pool of arousal I’ve been feeling all evening since I laid my eyes on Jordan drips to my inner thighs. Fuck. I lower my bra strap to my elbow, freeing my breast. For a moment, I gaze at my reflection in the mirror beside my bed, raising my eyes to my now–flushed face.
Does Jordan know how much grip he has on my sanity? I swear to God that if that man asks me to jump, I’d ask how high. I’ll damn all consequences for
him.
I picture him right here with me, trailing his hot and eager mouth down my shoulder to the upper part of my breast. I dig my fingers into his hair and beg him not to tease me in a shaky whisper.
Please!
My knees become weak. The pressure from his fingers skimming over my naked skin, fondling my breast, makes me release a strangled moan. His lips accompany them.
I pinch a nipple, twisting it between my forefinger – copying the picture clouding my mind – a picture of him driving me wild with mere fingers and clever lips.
My skin burns like I’m deep in a fire. Oh God! I discard my jeans and my underwear and then lay face up on the bed, spreading my thighs. I have so many fantasies of being fucked again by Jordan, so many that they jumble up in my brain, making me want to go insane. I work a finger into my slit, oh so slowly, arching my hips. A strangled cry of excitement catches in my throat. I shut my eyes tightly, seeing him in my mind–eyes as he pushes his way into my tight slit, working in slow motion. Each thrust increases my bliss. It feels so good. I add another finger. It’s him, all him, as he strokes me – in and out.
His eyes. Damn, they’re ablaze, and he’s groaning. My name. They’re inaudible but hot and arousing as hell.
Jordan draws back fast and hammers into me again. My fingers are driving in quicker and more quickly. I roll to my side and thrust my hips against my fingers. I punch in again, drawing upward. Shuddering chills crush down on me. With every thrust, my body’s nerves begin to loosen.
Right at this moment, my fingers are not mine but his rock–hard shaft, stroking through my squeezed muscles. His eyes surface in my mind again. He draws back, hoisting my leg on his shoulder for a grand slam.
I rub around my clit. My breathing becomes heavier, then morphs into a pathetic whimper as my fingers fall short of reaching where I need the most. Back to Jordan, right above me in my bed, I stretch my hand to touch his sweaty face.
He’s no longer the man who doesn’t want anything to do with me but one that is deeply engrossed in pleasuring me. Inside and out, my fingers move wildly. I’m close to orgasm, so I hurry to the scene in my head. One hand caresses my breasts, rubbing circles on my tauten nipples.
I feel my whole body stiffen. I’m right on the edge. It’s amazing. Every twitch of his imaginative shaft sends shock waves of undiluted sensation spreading throughout my body, causing goose bumps to dot my skin.
Jordan kisses around my breasts, cupping each in his large palms. I buckled wildly, rolling back to my back and clamping my thighs around my hand as I increased the pace. My thumb finds my clitoris. I stroke around it, right on it, up, down, and then dip into my slit again. I’m dripping wet. Jordan would have loved it. He would have licked it slowly, stroking my lips and clitoris with his tongue.
Fuck!
I grip him for a moment, thighs tight around his bobbing head. I’m close again, and this time, I let my head roll from side to side, rocking my hips frantically and coiling my toes.
I’m panting eagerly. The hand that is on my breasts moves swiftly to fist the bed cover. My body tenses and then relaxes in an instant. I sit upright, resting
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hack on the headboard. My heartbeat starts to go crazy. The fantasy has frizzled, but Jordan’s face lingers. I pull my knees to my chest and rest my jaw
the kneecap.
chuld feel relieved – ative, but I feel so empty–cold. I’m beginning to think that I’d never get over Jordan. For the first time, I confront the possibility Phat i might never get over him. And Dad wants us to have dinner together. How in the world will I pretend to be unaffected by his charm? I suck in a breath and hold it for the longest time, wishing to stifle the ache, or expel it from my nostril
twish it was that easy.
Fresh wave of sadness shot through me. I wonder if he’s still at the bar with the woman- maybe he’s taken her home. My head spins with the possibility of him with another woman, and bile rises in my throat, choking me.
Tove to the bathroom and get under the shower. Tilting my head backward, I allow the water to cascade down my face and then my naked breasts. I trace my belly with my fingertips. I feel a shiver and quickly withdraw. Pleasuring myself has opened up a new tunnel of doldrums.
Shutting off the water, I step out and grab a towel. I dry my hair, arms, and legs and then wipe the foggy mirror until my reflection becomes clear. I stare at my thighs. My sharp fingernails had left a mark right at the inner part of it. I track the marks and then put a generous amount of lavender in my hand and rub it on my legs, gliding up to the apex of my thighs.
I make smaller circles, approaching my aching clit, then allow the back of my hand to brush it absently while I stroke my nipples, trying to heighten the
anticipation.
Spreading my thighs, I move slowly to my clean–shaven center. It’s shiny, dampening with so much wetness. I feel so stimulated, and without hesitation, I lean against my bathroom wall and raise my leg, resting its heel on the wall and arching my back so my lower body pushes forward.
This time, I don’t think about my Dad’s best friend. I focus solely on dimming this blinding hunger that keeps skyrocketing with each ragged breath.
get more aggressive, rubbing my thumb over my clit and jerking forward over and again. A low moan escapes my lip as Jordan’s face appears in my mind
I can’t control it, the same way I can’t seem to have an edge over this biting desire that keeps spearing through me. I wriggle two fingers into my tight hole. It’s well–lubricated with the slimy liquid pooling all over it. My lips are slippery. I rub it once, then slide it to my labia again and massage it with two fingers, allowing the knee that is still upright to buckle
The thought of all the fantasies I’ve built in my mind about Jordan and I flash like lightning. I move my fingers furiously. My whole body arches as my orgasm overcomes me. At that instant, I raise my gaze to the mirror. My cheeks are flushed, and my eyes are barely open. I look like a woman on the verge of being thrown off her legs.
Astarved woman.
grip the closest thing my hand makes contact with and squeeze, jerking repeatedly and moving my fingers in and out – in and out, at a frantic rhythm.
ly sit feels so incredibly stretched as I add a third finger and wiggle two while one reaches for the one spot that will make my eyes shut tightly and my Sally knot in pleasure.
And then it hits me like a tornado, forcing me to spin around and grab blindingly at the wall, I tighten my thighs and rock my hips back and forth, fucking my fingers as my orgasm smacks into me, folding my insides.
thrust my fingers deeper and deeper one last time as I explode, bucking uncontrollably.
stumble into the shower, turn it on, and then pick up the washcloth, but not before taking my fingers to my lips and pushing them into my mouth.
live at work a little after eight, three days later. I am pulling my Toyota Camry next to a white Explorer. The place is a tad calm, and the lobby is almost
gly i wave at the security personnel, making my way to the elevators.
A flush of movement sneaks into my peripheral vision. I turn. It’s Ava. She hurries towards me. I stifle my frown and stop, watching her expectantly.
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Chapter 20
“Ava….What are you doing here this early?”
She grabs my wrist and tugs me towards one of the seats. “It’s about Lisa. She’s found out about you, and she’s pissed I put you on her ass. Her words exactly”
My heart skips. I wasn’t expecting this. I didn’t even wait to meet her that night. Georgia probably told her about me, which must have sparked her curiosity.
But still…. “How did she find out?”
“I don’t know. But she did mention the interview. She said she watched it – everything and finds it hard to believe I was so passionate about a stranger just met more than I’ve ever bothered to be about my family.”
“Oh, Ava.” My heart goes out to her. If everything she has told me about her relationship with Lisa is true, then that means she has done what she assumes to be the best.
I’m so sorry. Do you want me to stop? Georgia and I met that night. We talked; it was nice – easy. I think we bonded because she was so willing to introduce me to Lisa. Honestly, I felt a tad guilty that I was there to use her and get through to your sister. I left before I could meet Lisa.”
“Lisa is smart. And this isn’t the first time I’ve had someone tail her. It’s just different, though. My first contact was a Private Investigator from South Africa. It didn’t end well. Now, this. I don’t know what to do, Astrid. She’s the only family I have left.”
“Your father. He’s in jail, not dead.”
She lowers her gaze briefly, then tips it up again. I see the emotion in her eyes. She is clearly affected by all of this, and it’s taking a toll on her. She seems to be thinner than the last time I saw her. “He’s as good as dead. They’re keeping him there till his last hours.”
“Surely there’s something you can do. You have connections and resources. Use them, Ava.” I say with a long blink.
She gazes at me like she was not expecting me to say that. “I don’t know if I can do that. I’ve – I’ve never thought of that.”
“Do you visit him?”
“A few times? We don’t get along. When I visited, we’d stare at each other all through and say only a few words, forced most of the time, just like it is with Lisa. I can tolerate Dad’s, but Lisa’s breaks me. I lay awake at night thinking about everything, and it makes me really sad. It breaks me, Astrid.”
“How long has he been there for?”
She looks at me with gloominess. No matter how unaffected she claims to be by her father’s imprisonment, I can tell she’s pretty worried. I place my hand on hers and run it gently twice.
“You have to make a decision, Ava. The world doesn’t care how you feel or what you want. It would be best if you try something, you feel something right? It’s your sole responsibility to make it work. It’s all on you to go after it and ensure you get what you want.”
Jlook at my wristwatch. Forty minutes have slipped by. “Let’s take this to my office. I have something to show you.” I stand up, pulling her with me. “I forgot to have breakfast. Are you hungry?”
She takes a bit of time before replying. “I’m not hungry.”
I smile, then turn around, leading her toward the elevator. People have started strolling in, and soon, the place will be noisy and busy until about 5 pm.
I nod, unsure what to say to her. “You can watch me eat then. I’ll make it entertaining for you.”
She chuckles, her cheeks crinkle. I feel bad that she’s going through this. She has everything at her beck and call except the one thing that truly matters – the love of a family.
I’m going to call my Dad later. I miss them. I miss laughing at their jokes. If he wants me to have dinner with him and Jordan, I’ll see what I can.
It’s only when we step into the elevator that I remember. Georgia will be interning here. I’ll have to ask Pete when she is resuming and where he plans on
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Chapter 20
fixing her. She’s lovely. Fun. Hopefully, whatever is going on between Lisa and Ava won’t interfere in our newfound friendship.
There’s a tension I quite can’t put my hand on. Ava says nothing until we reach my office and close the door behind us.
She lowers herself slowly to the couch and crosses her legs. I turn on my laptop, input my password, and then ring the kitchen for breakfast. When they ask what I want, I rattle off coffee and muffins and then raise my gaze to Ava, but she shrugs, waving me off.
“Make it two trays, please,” I say before hanging up.
It will be a long day, and tonight, I must work on her book. She might be invested in reconnecting with her sister, but we need to keep the work going, and I will make sure everything falls into place for her.
I’m not just using Ava to escape my demons but helping her find peace again. She helps divert my thoughts from Jordan and when she’s not physically with me, her books offer the same relief. It’s not enough, but it something to hold onto while my heart jerk with dark emotions–grief, pain, and of course regret. Just a pinch of it but enough to make me hate myself just a little for letting my body and mind hunger for more than intended with a man like Jordan Remington.
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AD
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