Chapter39
Loanne
The sound and smell of the hospital has become my security blanket these past few weeks. But mostly the sound of her heart still beating that resonated from the machine that was hooked onto
her.
I lifted my head and stared at Promise. My little sister sleeping peacefully. She still looked beautiful even with tubes and wires surrounding her. I felt my eyes water as I watched her. Closing my eyes I
let out a breathy sob.
We were lucky that we revived her, but because she was dead for 20 minutes. The doctors said she was brain dead. I knew that they know she won’t wake up ever, but I couldn’t bring myself to admit it. Promise… she was a fighter so I knew she would wake up.
But there was just this litter insecurity that told me, why should she when she has been fighting for a very long time. She deserves to relax and be free. Be free from the chains that hold her down.
I rested my head down beside her arm and stayed like that until I passed out.
Another day has passed, and still no change. I can already tell that the doctor is waiting for me to make the decision. But once again my heart stops me from agreeing to take her off of the machine.
I moved my hand to grab hers. My thumb slightly moving on top. I looked at her and then at the
machine that showed her heartbeat.
“Are you in pain?” I whispered to her before moving my eyes down to my hand.
“Am I making the right choice? Keeping you here? Stuck to a machine?” More tears fell until sobs racketed throughout my body.
“Am I selfish?”
Outside was raining heavily.
Could hear the rumbling of the thunder. See the flashes of the
lightening on the ground and walls that surround Promise and I.
Today marks three weeks. Three weeks of her in a coma. Three weeks of me being selfish to keep her here. Three weeks since the doctors pestering.
I stared at Promise before I left her room to go hunt down her doctor. I needed answers from him,
Chapter39
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though I knew he could not answer half of them.
I had no chance of finding him until i ran and asked a nurse named Tina. “Excuse me?” I asked.
She looked up and she smiled at me. “Yes?”
I couldn’t find myself to smile at her, my energy was drained. I continued on and asked her of the doctor that I was looking for and gladly she showed me where he was located at. Thanking her I quietly knocked on the door before I heard his voice.
Slowly opening the door, his eyes widened as he looked at me. I knew why he looked so surprised. It was because I never left Promise’s room. I stayed by her side 24/7.
“Miss. Loanne how can I help you?” He asked me as he pointed towards the chair in front of his desk.
I moved in slowly before sitting down in front of him. I must look like a mess but right now I didn’t care. “I had some answers.” I said after clearing my throat.
“What questions do you have?”
“It is regarding Promise.” I said.
“Ahh okay.” He said as he slowly moved back into his chair. I can see the sadness in his eyes, of course he would feel this way since he was Issac’s doctor before becoming hers. They formed a special bond with each other.
“You and your fellow doctors said that she was… brain dead…” I wandered off.
He nodded his head in agreement. “Yes, she is brain dead.”
“Was there any patients that came out of… that?”
He stared at me before sighing.” Loanne there has been no patients that have recovered from that. Promise she is on a different level.”
“Di–different level what do you mean?”
“What I mean is that her entire brain is dead. The only thing that is keeping her alive beating is the life support.”
“I thought any patient that is brain dead goes through that…”
He shook his head. “No you see for brain dead patients, there is many jurisdiction. Some parts of the brain is alive while other parts are dead, where they don’t really need life support because their brain is somewhat alive.”
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“So Promise…”
“Promise can only relay on the life support, we can’t revive her brain there is no method on doing that.” He said as he looked at me with pity.
I can feel the tears form in my eyes as I stared at him with wide eyes. “And what do you suggest we do?” I whispered.
“You know what we suggested.” he said softly as he moved to sit beside me.
“Take her off the life support is what you suggested me.”
He nodded his head. “Yes… that is the only way. Promise she has no high rate of waking up, she’s dead and the only thing that is helping her breath is the machine. Loanne do you think she wants to depend on the machine?”
“Am I selfish for thinking that she should stay here?” I whispered as I looked at him. Wanting to see if he was going to lie for my sake.
“Selfish is a term a lot of people use when they feel like they care about themselves mostly. The way I see it, yes it is selfish to keep someone on life support so they won’t lose that contact with that individual. But on the other hand, no it is not selfish when that person truly believes that individual should have another shot at life. So what my answer is Loanne. You are not selfish.. you care about Promise so much that you are willing to keep her alive to be with you. You hold onto hope that one day she will open her eyes and smile at you.” He said softly to me as he held onto my hand.
A sob escaped my mouth as I stared at him. “But you must think is she suffering from having a machine stuck to her. If your answer is yes she is suffering then you know what you should do. For
her sake as well as yours.”
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